Stint no. 2

Okay, yes, right i haven't blogged for almost two years now.
Whatever.
Was just reading my previous posts and boy, i gotta say, was i juvenile or what?
The only thing i could read back there was cigarettes, exam, and stuff like that.
Although, in retrospect, i guess i was just being honest about my feelings and i guess everyone goes through that. Anyway...

The only reason that I'm doing this shit is because i have a GRE exam coming up very soon. I want to use this as a platform to build up my writing skills which OBVIOUSLY are very, very colloquial.

I'm in the midst of the VI sem exams, which by the way seem quite facile (now that i've finally started focusing my energies for purposes other than intoxication). There have been a lot of positive changes in my life since the last time i blogged. I believe I used to be very sycophantic and inadvertent, but experience has taught me a lot and still does. I'm still a person who has not completely recognized a goal for his life, or has any clarity as such. But everyday for me is an effort to decipher the code called life. Of course, there are galaxies of issues that I have. Facing those is the toughest thing that I've ever done. Recently, I've had a lot of breakdowns, have been disheartened by myself and the people around me, but there's a voice in my head which says "Don't worry. This will pass" and it is this voice which gives me the balls to get up and face life everyday.

Sometimes I wonder, am I out of puberty yet or am i PMSing. I don't quite absorb the idea of having so many mood swings. As far as I've heard, guys are not supposed to be so moody. I guess its one of those things that you have, you know, like Chandler's third nipple. I've been learning the guitar for quite sometime now and it really gets me pumped up. Its a very beautiful instrument and can just be as good, if not better, as your friend.

Hmm. Its 6a.m and i don't have anything else to type. This seems more like a personal diary than a blog about engineering.
This is the time when i hear, "Don't worry, this will pass". :-P.

Later.

Result, God, and Nothing.

Hey guys, its been a pretty busy week. The results were just announced some days back and boy, i've never seen such gloomy faces in my life. Obviously, the results this time, as always, were pathetic to say the least. Although there were many people with the elite "ALL CLEAR" badge. It was pretty frustrating to see my result. Speaking of which i recall the crazy and outrightly superstitious things to make sure i pass out with flying colours.
To start off, i'm agnostic, i.e, i don't believe in existence or non-existence of god. After exams, i was pretty apprehensive but positive nonetheless about the result. I suddenly developed love for god and started runnin off to every freakin temple that i could afford to go to. It all started with a trip to siddhivinayak temple at prabhadevi. For the first time i was so excited to visit a temple. When i got there, i asked god from the bottom of my heart to pass me out in all subjects. This was really something that i wanted and was definitely possible with the kind of replies i gave. I was very sure that i would pass. I promised god that i would donate him 11 nariyals if he grants me my wish.
The next trip was to shirdi. Yes, it was a pretty funny trip btw. We were in the bus and suddenly at night an uncle started yellin " Mujhe pishaab karna hai gaadi rok jaldi ". The cleaner asked him to wait for 10 mins as a stop was scheduled then. But this guy's bladder was about to burst i guess. He offered the cleaner 50 bucks and got down. Man! 50 bucks for a piss. Interesting. We got there on time and headed to the temple after some refreshments. I asked god again. The same thing, with the same passion. I wanted this badly. Very very badly. We got back the next day and i visited all the temples in my locality, prayed everyday. This was something very precious for me. I never asked anyone for somethin with all my heart. This was probably one of the rare occasions when i wanted something so desperately.
The day arrived. I got a call from my friend that the result was declared. I was pretty relaxed. I went to my classes, after which ran off to a local cyber-cafe with a lot of different emotions. I was accompanied by a frnd. I checked his result first. It said, "CONGRATULATIONS, you have passed."
Then i typed in my seat no. with sweat dripping down my forehead. I prayed again with all the force i had in my heart. I wanted it man, i just wanted it no matter what. I typed my seat no. Pressed Enter. FLASH!
It read. " YOU HAVE FAILED "
It was a jolt. My heartbeat literally stopped for a second. How could it be. What did i do wrong? I worked so hard but yet, I fuckin failed for the first time in my life.
The next mornin at college it was a black day for most of us as we got the detailed result. As i entered the premises i met people with 4 kt's 3kt's and also some with no kt's . It was very horrific. I was expecting shit. I checked the result and i found i had flunked in one subject- CP1.
It was surprising considering the kind of paper i had written.
I probably lost all my hope that day. All my trust in god. All my faith in luck. There's no god, there's noone to help you. It just the way it is. Its fucked up, hopeless and full of shit. I probably feel suicidal looking at the things that happen all the time. Why can't i get a smile? Why can't i feel successful? Why can't it be normal?
I guess i can't answer these questions. But what i can do is go and study.
Cya.

Same Old Shit ....Once again!

Hey guys!
Here i am, once again. sem1 is PHINISHED for good! Man! Was'nt it a piss off! 3 months of studyin, one month of exam, and........... 10 days of vacation! How wonderful! Just brings a smile to your face does'nt it? Has lo beta has lo. Its just how it is. Period. But on the bright side, it pushes you to a point where you realize that your not a kid anymore. Thats relievin. Sem-2 is underway and proceedings started just the way i expected on the first day, all teachers absent. Wow! atleast somethin's in our favour! We had some fun. Some of our classmates were shifted off to other divisions. The look on they're faces were the most hilarious looks i've eva seen. I pay to see that kinda shit man. We were laughin at them right thru and ya, no-one regretted it :). The watchmen in our college are replaced. Y does it happen with me for Christ's sake! I had managed to make them good frnds of mine. You might be wondering whats the catch. Camera phones are'nt allowed in our college and are confiscated if seen by watchmen. Smart eh! But i'm soo used to bad luck that now i'm immune of it.
N yes, how can i not mention cigarettes in our blog?. I have QUIT. Atleast for now. But damnit its not as easy as it sounds. It's been 25 days. Wheneva i see someone smoke, shit, my head starts spinnin. Not actually. But ya, it is quite addictive. Like a hot chick walkin down the road and u can't see her. Some fucked up shit. But its ok. A new challenge i guess. Promised my parents bout it and damn it ill follow it. Speakin of that, my parents caught me not once but twice smokin. The second time was rather embarassing. I had kept a ciggi near the fuel tank of my bike. And as you'll know by now, me and luck are'nt really best frnds. But maybe it's for the best. I'm changin every second! You can compare this one with the previous blog and u'll know. Once a wannabe smoker, now myself.[or wannabe non-smoker ;) ].
This is what they call us teenage tragedy. You don't really know whats goin on. But i hope i'll figure it out pretty soon. Till den, keep it rockin!
Tada!

Dude, I dint relly sign up for this shit!

So FINALLY!! My first blog!
But it aint sumin tat amuses me. Dad told me when i was young.."beta, mein tujhe engineer banaunga". The word sounded really cool in itself! N i thot so till 24th August 2007. My life soon changed after that. Literally. The assignments, the practicals, the attendance.... the SHIT. This was all gettin on my nerves. I dreamt of a luxuries life with a lotta smoke and booze. But things dont really go ur way, do they?
The tension was soo extreme that i wanted somethin to soothe me. N of course wats more soothin than a cigarette. Damn! I started smokin. After resistin it for over 2 years, i had to fuckin give in. But it is definitely somethin that takes my mind off the SHIT. Smokin at first is really glamourous. The 'smokers' would relate to this pretty easily. You Stand, Take it In, Blow it off. Wow! Watta feelin. Infact, i got so hooked on to it, i started smokin in public, near rail stations....wait, speakin of that, i got caught smokin outside da station !!. The police guard called me n started a lecture that never ended. " Beta, tum student hoo, tumhari life barbaad ho jayegi......zzz.....zzzz". The worst part was that i was still smokin wen he was throwin that shit!
Man. What was i turnin into?..What had engineering done to me?. Was I in my senses?. These questions ran through my head all night. I decided to quit smokin. I was damn serious about it and was committed to do da same.
But when i got up next mornin.....i forgot everythin n went down for a puff!
Damn!! Somethin u cant really control? Or maybe i jus dont want to quit?...wateva..who cares anyway?.
Apart from smokin, the major change that took place in me was that i didnt give a shit about anyone anymore. Previously, i really was a tad sensitive[or gay if u say so]. Now, i think noone gives a shit so y shud i?. Friends are friends in college, i dont give a shit wen i get back home. Thats how its supposed to be. A Mean world starin at you outside! trust me on that one.


Goin Down for a puff. Updatin soon . More shit cummin up!